One Day I Will Be a Model
I’ve just been in a funk ever since that spider bite dashed my hopes of being America’s top ‘hand model.’ I’ve had a lot of time to think and a whole bunch of freetime to try and get my agent to give me a call back or even answer my emails. He told me that
I’ve just been in a funk ever since that spider bite dashed my hopes of being America’s top ‘hand model.’
I’ve had a lot of time to think and a whole bunch of freetime to try and get my agent to give me a call back or even answer my emails.
He told me that when I save up enough for that cheek reduction surgery that I might have a really good shot at getting a job with that Croatian Men’s Fishing Wear line of clothes.
He said the company’s on fire…
all the stylin’ europeans apparently wanna look like Croatian fishermen.
It’s a fashion thing.
‘It’s gonna be really big in 2013’ Armando promised.
Of course I didn’t tell him how much I needed the work since my debut line of casual and business clothing called ‘The Chicago Man‘ flopped last month.
This could be the big break I’ve been waiting for.
I might even get to keep cable!
‘You just gotta do something about those chubby cheeks of yours’ Armando said.
‘They’re just too chubby.’
He reminded me that ‘they’re trying to sell fisherman’s style clothing to men who wanna look rough and rugged… not to old ladies who’ll go crazy tryin’ to pinch your cheeks.’
‘But these cheeks are my trademark man’ I pointed out to Armando ‘they got me that job with the denture adhesive people!’
‘This isn’t last years Fixodent campaign’ he screamed ‘think croatian fisherman gahdammit!’
‘Isn’t that the guy who sells fish sticks on tv’ I asked… desperately trying to say anything that would impress him.
I’ve always tried to prove to people that I’m about more than just good looks.
‘No… that’s the fucking Gorton’s Fisherman you idiot’ he snarled.
I guess I didn’t really impress him.
The fashion world can be so brutal and Armando wasn’t done with me yet.
‘And for gahd’s sake trim those eyebrows’ he yelled ‘they’re almost big enough to have their own freakin’ zipcode!’
I looked at the phone in stunned silence… my feelings kinda hurt.
‘Get rid of the cheeks and I can get you some work with the Croatians and don’t call me anymore or I’ll block you I swear to gahd’ he joked as he slammed the phone down.
Now all I gotta do is find a plastic surgeon that can give me the cheeks of Sean Connery and I’ll be set.
I’ve been practicing my ‘air casting’ all day and I’m gettin’ pretty good.
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